Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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