actually, I'm a sock model
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
