if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
