Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
