playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The feeling are messing with the penis
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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