I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
