If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dick very happy bro
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
