dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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