I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
