You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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