We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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