thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
