Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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