she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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