Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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