Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
