i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
