Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
