I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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