im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
