There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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