Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
