I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
