Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
