I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
