absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
