sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
