It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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