why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
