i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
