I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
