I just cut my nipple shaving
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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