or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Success! We fucked roommates!
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