He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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