I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
