I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
