So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
