I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
