It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
