Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Girls should come with a carfax report
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
