Having a random hookup so left but love u
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
