I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
