So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
