sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
