Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
