Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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