Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
