dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
