saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
