dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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