Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
