she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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