just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
