I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
