mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
