shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
