Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
