I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
