I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
