He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
