The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
